i cried cause its not enough!

i cried again, i cried and its feels like my heart burning,
i cant swallow my own saliva, its something stuck on my throat.
now, i cried my life out. i cant stop and my eyes tired.
but nothing could ever buried the pain and sadness.

i posting into my blog, so i will feel calm.
i dont know whats the best i should do,
its all that left for me, i give everything, even my own life, i sacrificed my happiness, my soul.
but it wont work out as well and 'it not enough!'. ;(

why? why until today, i could never achieve something nice and good???

unstoppable Tears.

unstoppable tears,
u really bring the pain and fears,
which i cant stand further.
please..please..go away from me,
my heart now shrinking, believe me
sometimes i rather die , and i wont be back to be me.

why on earth no body understand me,
why nobody see inside me,
i try my best, but no one could ever see,
make me feel like lost alone with my ship in the sea.

Allah! please you forgive me,
cause i sacrifice everything for love,
and i never care if there's nothing left for me.
cause this is the truth me, but no one could ever see.

:(

mary go round

after all i have sacrificed ,
all the tears that i wasted,
all the love that i spread,

i was said to play "round and round" all this while.


thank you for so understanding me.

i want to start..

to do poem i guess.
might have a chance to improve my not so good english.

i enjoy my life,
with my guy,
this is not lie, if i said without him i could rather die.

so, that all for today,
its not much yet enough to say! :)

When the rain refused to drop

its 5 december,
so fast..

the tittle, just popped out from my head,
its kinda simple, meaningful, and... which i dont know how to explain.

when the Rain refused to drop. The the flower will die, the grass will dry, and the fish will cry.
the flower it needs sun, yes. but it needs the water (rain) as well. i mean wild flower. How bout the fish? the grass?

when the Rain refused to drop.

when the people disobey the King,

when the Mom never care about the child.

when the top management never consider the staf.

why she so Emotional, and so selfish??


wallahualam.. alahamdullilah, im happy and i enjoy my life now, even someone throwing stone along.

like i care! :)

i just dont know what i crapping bout, please ignore me. as if i have a reader..hahahha..peace!

its friday again

teehhee... its friday again. its my fav day you know, cause tomorrow and after tomorrow, it will be an offday for me. :)

weekend, i usually hangout with mom, to groceries, breakfast together, have a chit chat. watching TV, its kinda fun you know. But soon, insyallah, i will find out an activities which will bring something in return when i do it. like sewing, designing.. hurrmm,,,,8_8

hurmm,, kinda miss my Anas. he will be coming this 25 dec, my birthday! im planing to make his day here awesome!

salam all! have a superb nice day!

end of November 2011

its today,
tomorrow November will be leaving,
then , coming the December. which the month i adore so much.
its cold, rainy, cloudy, and romantic. :)

25 December Anas♥ will be coming to visit my family. especially my father.
i hope everything will be fine and well.

this year, i will be celebrating my new year in KL, with Anas♥. 
its considered as the first new year that he will be beside me.

im hoping for the best time, hoping for the best day and  the best life.

til then. 

LTNW

salam,

its been ages, i didnt post anything to my blog. kinda 'sunyi' for a while. Been busy with work, plus i busy entertaining my kingkong as well! ahhahaha.. some people might be confused, what about 'king kong' now? stop at july, now continue in the end of November, now you writing about King kong??  erghh...

this week will be my busy week, scheduled to accompany my mom to hospital due to her routine checkup with doctor for her Diabetes issues. hope she doing well soon :). Insyallah.

nothing much i wish to update Uguys, "macamla ada orang baca blog" hahaha..its okay, its the only way i could express my mind since i deactivated my facebook and twitter due to Stalker issues. haiyahhh,,, bilala nak get rid off this stalker eh? nevermind.

actually, im watching clash of titans, but kinda distracted when i see my pinky on the desk. Round2 around the internet, suddenly the 'Blogspot' knocked my mind. so here i am.. :)


News? i wrote a letter, transfer letter to KL. I called a person who in charge, they told me the decision will be made in the middle of December...

"ya Allah, yang maha mengetahui lagi maha pendengar, Lancarkanlah segala urusan hamba mu yang lemah lagi hina ini..."

thats all for tonight, back to clash of titans! :)

zeus's son?? hurmm,,,

*LTNW stand for Long time no write!

its awkward

its feeling so weird,
cause im used to meet you everyday even its thru Skype..

1 week i didnt see you in skype.
its feels like life incomplete..

how sucks my life without you..

missing you here..

I write out whats inside my..

Heart,,
my heart, she's really Hell worried at this moment,

probably you guys wont get what im trying to write hear.

ive been waiting for him, 'Anas'... the one who i loved so much since the first day i met him on june 2008.
i received a call from baghdad, from his friend. He told me Anas being arrested due to some issues during proceeding in court. What's most tearing my heart down is, he's will staying in jail for about 3 weeks.

Ya Allah... My tears rain like a fountain. I was like...speechless, i lost all the words from my mouth.
"please dont worry, his family will do something after i met them later"

"i wish to talk to him, can you help me in anyway so i can talk to him...pleaseee!"

"i cant make it for you, cause they police arrested him, and now he is in jail..but dont worry, he will be hold in there for a month"

"A month?? Astargfirullah.... how could i get any updates from him?"

"i must hang up now, i have to see anas's family"  tutttt....its hang up.

then, my vision all blur, the tears wont stop, i stand at bedroom's window and i look up. Ya Allah!... please help me this time, i cant lose him, please help me make everything smooth... both of us plan a nice future ahead.pleasee...

my heart melted, my tears running down.

Now, im packing my things, tomorrow im going to travel for work. But anything seems not going right, i cant stop thinking about him even a second. How is he now? is he fine now? its all my fault cause if im not hurting him before, this thing wont happened.

still i need to packing, tomorrow im going to KL for travel. and will be back in a week. What i must do now? if i can, i will travel to the country to see him, but thats impossible.. what i can do anyway?

his sister called me, and she told me that anas is fine, and she told me , not to worry about him.

but, only Allah know whats inside my heart now, its like a twister and worst earthquake now in my heart....



"Ya Allah! please, make everything smooth for me and him, please save him from anything bad... cause its my heart, i cant live without it..."



*tears drop....

hmmm

sorry for my previous post, kinda emotional. not good..
ive read from my followed blog about this girl she stated that, people make mistake, they are not perfect.me as well, i am human, people, a girl, im not perfect, so, i shouldn't complaint about a person, i mean not always.:)

....

Friday,,, My favourite day.

Friday, is my all time favorite day in a week.
Friday is the day i wanna look beautiful and pretty with my Jubah.
Friday i will put khol on my eyes.:)
Friday i wanna eat good food.
But Friday, today i had a gossip with my cute friend, i prefer to mention her as honey in here.
Honey is really a nice friend, from bottom of my heart, i can feel whats within her.
We do share stories, experience and feeling. She understand me well. :)
Its really funny cause we dont need any glued or interpreter we can stick together for a long period and she can mixed with me very well together with the rhythm. now i understand, God had a reason why he took away my friendship before cause he wanna give me something better and the best. Now i got it. Shukran ya Allah, alhamdullilah.. Now i make many friends than before even we are not sitting in the same department. Not necessarily we spend 99% of time with them, the friendship still go strong. no body and no one in the circle claim they are the VVIP among all. i learn a lot of things from a friendship i have made. From the last Friendship i have learned something new, the experience really teach us what is life all about.
...... 

what i wish for this life?

Now, i see and understand what i really want in my life,
its getting near now.
and i wanna be ready! for all the consequences...
and this its! This is what i wish for my life!!!!
i take all the risks... as long as he's there for me no matter its up or down...
i know he's there..


xoxo
نانا

missing you..

 

you just dont know how much i miss you, 

you never know, how bad it is i am thinking about you here

and, you dont know how much i love you here. its all in my heart.

no words could ever describe.

missing you is really a pain for me,

i do whatever you did,i wear your sleeveless 

i spray your perfume all over my body,

i see your photo every morning when i wake up, so i wont feel down.

i watch all the movie you love so much,

i listen to all your favorite songs.

i browse you facebook everyday...

now, im crazy for you.. -_-

end....

i met someone,,

i met someone,,
i met someone that i know...
i know him from 2008
and, he coming back to my life
he makes me alive after i die for the love that i lose before
i dont know how he able to make it right
just, he makes me comfortable...
all the time i spent with him,, is so sweet!
i am feeling alive..

but, so sad, he's going back to his country this coming 14 of april.
he asked me to wait for him...



i am feeling sad... i think i like him around me.

L.O.V.E?

L.O.V.E is something you can't create whenever or wherever you want,
you cant simply make it if you dont feel it.
you would never be able to give it if you dont have any,
this is want i understand about love.
but, once you have the love, the world feel so sweet,
so delightful, so wonderful, if you wanna know much,
stand front of your ice box with your face facing the freeze on the top side then, breath!
u breath the cold air.. and u can feel the air run through your lung.. so peace!

when the love gives you pain, its the worst pain ever..
its consumes so much time for you to be cured
its not easy.. its very hard..
when u lose your love,
its like you lose  you life,
u lose your eyes,
lose everything you have,,
until you cant do anything right...

love really pain!
i am feeling it now, the love that gives me the life that i live, now its gives me the pain
the pain that i cant tolerate. so sick of it...
i cant let the love go, but its so painful when i keep it..
what should i do now??? what.......................................
its tearing my heart down..into pieces.
when you fix it, pick all the pieces and make it again
the pieces doesn't fit anymore..
its doesn't fir here anymore..
i wanna end everything up.
but something just wont let me do it..
i dont know what, and i dont know why.
probably...







i still love him until today!

Tooth project?

Dont get me wrong, its not i am going to do braces or what.
it just a filling work and whitening,,
well, i have a dentist friend, work with general hospital.
Everytime i have problem i would consult with her about any problem regards teeth.

so, enough for now. will cont later on after ive done my filling and whitening.. :P

from bottom of my heart...

Dying inside 'cause I can't stand it,Make or break up,Can't take this madness
I really need you to give me,That unconditional love I used to feel.. but its so over..

i am letting go, but why i kept on hanging on?

i just dont understand,,

i need time..

need time to forget you!

1:55pm

My bad,
bad luck,
luck sucks,
sucks to hell..

i failed! hurmmmmmm....
probably due to insufficient effort contributed?
dont think so,
yes, i have this weak mesmerize power...

i wish i could bend space time. i bet i will pass the exam then.
i still have a few days to spend here in KL, bfore i am going back home. *miss mom! and my bro.

i am moody now... dont wanna write more.

*sigh!

Exam

today,, i am going to sit an exam,
its been ages i didnt sit any exam, since 2008 till now.
kinda weird, inconvenient, unsecured, exposed, nervous ...heh!
this is what i called, multi-feeling hehhehe,,
well, in IT , more than one task perform we called it as multi-tasking, or multi-processing,
but now, its multi-feeling.


cant wait to finish the exam, with PASS grade. aminn,,,
and will attend a meeting at the Palace.

i hope everything is ok... and everything will be fine...



Mumm,, i really miss you... i really do!


you! wish me luck!

The LOVE killed me..

cinta itu berbagai,
ada manis,
ada masin,
ada pahit,
ada masam,
dan kadang kala tawar...
kalau bertuah, bisa mendapat cinta pelbagai rasa.

tapi aku?
aku punya cinta juga,
cinta yang manis,
tapi kdg2 pedas, bisa panaskan hati
air mata tak bisa menghilangkan rasa.

cinta itu mengajar aku,
byk erti...
tapi cinta itu juga,
buat aku kehilangan kehidupan aku sendiri,
hilang kebebasan aku
untuk mengecapi keindahan kehidupan.

seperti seekor burung,
yang ingin terbang tinggi,
tapi hanya mampu melihat langit,
dr sangka emas.
....

itu perasaan aku terhadap sesuatu yang begelar cinta...



bersambung...

its just ME, perempuan biasa.

hye disana,
entah siapa, kamu atau dia atau mereka,
membaca blog entry saya,
mungkin tak mengerti apa adanya

ini kali pertama aku menulis,
menulis sambil menguis,
menguis keyboard di ofis,
untuk mencari idea mcm orang puitis. heheheh

aku pingin, punya satu tempat,
aku bisa cerita semuanya, apa yang tersumbat
dihati sekian lama,

aku.....
hanya seorang gadis,
gadis yang cuba untuk melalui hidup
dengan tenang
seorang yang sanggup mengorbankan apa saja
demi Ibu tersayang...:) *love you mom, until the day i die.

ini sedikit coretan permulaan,
sebuah blog yang menjadi tempat
untuk cerita-cerita,, seorang perempuan biasa....